The Best Thing

About a year ago, I began attending church with Caysea and Artie in Boonville at Open Bible Praise Center and Columbia at Redemption's Hill. I've written little about it because I have a hard time truly expressing what this has done for me.

I've tried to become a better person. And I've tried to be a better servant to the Lord.

This past Sunday was an emotional one at church. I don't even know how to explain why... just that I'd been struggling with my belief. Wondering what the whole point of it was. Why we are who we are. Why we were created. Just to be pawns in God's game? I don't know. And I still don't. But it was with a heavy heart that I participated in worship at church on Sunday. Prayers asking for more strength in believing. Prayers for greater faith. I mean, how could I have lived as long as I did with such little knowledge of faith, church, religion, and the Lord? Was that part of His plan? That I'd grow up in a house where religion wasn't a priority or even a value? Around me, I see my friends (family really... but more later*) who grew up with God being such a central part of their upbringing and I was feeling envious of them. I want to know God as well as they do. I want to be able to pray outloud without breaking down into tears. I want to unquestioningly believe in His power.

So today, on snowday number 2 in a row (number 6 for the year), as I'm reading my bible (because that's something I resolved to do this year... read the bible in a year), and I've got my music on shuffle on... who should come on? Relient K. I've written about them before. But basically, they are a a kind of pop punk Christian group but unless you really think about the lyrics, you don't even realize they are Christian. The lyrics can be taken many different ways.

The song that came on today was The Best Thing. And it's only fitting after the week I had last week that these lyrics spoke to me:

All my life
I've been searching for You
How did I survive
In this world before You

'Cause I don't want to live another day without You now.

...

All I'm gonna have
Is all that You can give me
And I'll give right back
Everything I have in me

Yeah. It fits so well with how I was feeling on Sunday. How did I not understand how great God is before? How did I survive before knowing Him? And I don't want to live another day without faith. And so I spent a lot of church on Sunday crying. Crying tears of sadness and regret for my past but also happy tears for my future with Him.

It's been a journey this past year. But I am happy with where I am now and can only hope to continue to grow, learn, and become stronger.

*Back to the family thing. We went to dinner after church Sunday evening and I was discussing a recent event in my life with a certain boy. When TJ, the pastor at Redemption's Hill, asked if I wanted to bring him to church and have the guys scare him away (I don't). And he said I knew that now I wasn't going to be able to date just anybody... I had a bunch of big brothers that needed to approve first. I about started crying right there, too! I mean, I've felt like they've become a type of family for me but this was the first time it was truly vocalized as such.