Wow. Just wow.

I don't really want to be still awake and writing. But it's too late to call anybody and I don't feel I'll be able to sleep (even though I am dead tired) without getting this off my chest.

The end of the year is almost here. And I'm a bit stressed and feeling the pressure to get things done. Not to mention some other huge life changes that are happening. So Ican't say if what I am feeling is totally 100% my feelings or an emotional carry-over of exhaustion and stress.

But tonight, and if I'm honest... most of this past week or two, I have felt not good enough. Not worthy enough of our Lord's love and forgiveness. And tonight, it was just overwhelming.

Today wasn't an awesome day. Our fieldtrip was altered. The weather was yucky. I found out I didn't get yet another position. My landlord wants to show my apartment on Saturday and it's a disaster. And on and on and on. And on about three hours of sleep... So I've been close to and over the edge of tears off and on all day regardless. But everytime I started to think about God and His love, forgiveness, and everything, I felt about an inch tall and completely worthless of Him. And as though my love and worship and adoration for Him wasn't even close to good enough.

Until I got in the car to go home after work.

I had the radio tuned to a Christian station that I occasionally listen to. Honestly, it seems like they have ten usual songs and occastionally throw in one or two different ones so I don't really listen to it much because I don't want the songs to get old. But tonight when I got in the car was a song I hadn't heard before. It only too me a few seconds to identify the singer as being the lead singer for Relient K. A quick press of my "text" button confirmed. But I hadn't heard this song before. I've written before about Relient K and what that band means to me and how they always seem to pop up when I most need them or how their lyrics take on new meanings when I really listen to them. It was the tail end of a song I wasn't familiar with but the lyric was "I'll never amount to the kind of person that You deserve to worship You." Wow. Way to sum up everything I've been feeling today in one neat and tidy lyric. There is more to the song and when I got home and googled it, it kind of made me feel better about the way I'd been feeling.

It was just too neat to keep this to myself.