Deceptive Appearances

I've become a great pretender. I am freaking amazing at pretending I'm happy and that everything is great and wonderful. But some of it is simply a facade.



Do I have a lot of the things I want? Sure. Have I worked hard to achieve some of my goals? Sure.


I have a great place to live that's afforable and a great price for what it is.
I am working what I always thought was my dream job. (More on that later)

I have family that loves me and friends, too.

I finally have friends here in the same town as me that I even see and go out with on a somewhat regular basis.



But there are some things missing.



On Sunday, I went to church with Caysea. It was wonderful! But I felt a hollow emptiness. The sermon was on repentance. But not just repenting.... repenting and meaning it.... repenting and really trying to change your ways. Not just acknowledging the wrong doing but feeling remorse and not doing it again. Without true repentance, you're an illigitimate child of God. And all I could think about was that I didn't need to be illigitimate twice over. I already have one father that doesn't have anything to do with me. I don't need the Father to do the same.



The church made me miss the LSC so much. It was a lot like the LSC in that it started with some praise and worship songs, greetings, announcements, followed by a talk, ending with prayer. It was laid back. Low key. I didn't feel the need to explain myself or have the feeling I was an imposter that didn't belong.


With this, I've decided I need to bring some sort of religion back into my life. I've neglected it a lot this year, not even really attending Wednesday morning prayer group.



So with this realization, I am going to do what i can to bring it back. Forget the sexy. I'm bringing religion back. Starting with Wednesday morning prayer. And I'm going to make a genuine effort to either go up to go to church with C to Sea on most Sundays or try to find a similar church here.

Topic for Tomorrow (or really, let's face it, whenever I get around to it): Love