So tired of complaining about money...

But I need to vent and I know down the road when I think things are bad, I will be able to look back and (hopefully) they won't be as bad as this.

So while I'm waiting for the other job to start and while I'm waiting for payday and tutoring pay to start, I need something to hold me over until then. If I pay my rent in full, the check WILL bounce. And I don't want that. So... I called my bank and asked what my options were. The very nice and helpful man recommended a small personal loan. He was so nice and wanted to help but because I've utilized the cash advance feature of my checking account a few months in a row (side note: that's a vicious cycle... it automatically is repaid when you make a deposit but then usually by next month, you're short the same amount you were short the month before), I didn't qualify through them. He said my credit score was good enough and everything but that stupid cash advance prevented it. He sounded genuinely sorry and said if it were up to him, he'd approve it (my tears probably helped). So I dried it up and asked him if he had any words of advice or helpful information.

I explained the situation to him (that I had my stupid teen moment of getting credit cards and living above my means, I just waited until my mid 20s to do it... but that I was getting another job and budget and determined to pay them down) and he told me to go to a local bank and apply for a small personal loan there. I asked how it would affect my credit score (because that's one of my biggest fears... and it was so reassuring to hear that my score wasn't bad already) and he said he knew Citizens Bank in Eldon doesn't check.

So after I hang up with him, I look up the bank in Eldon. It closes at 4. I called to see if there would be somebody there to help me with a loan if I get there before 4. They say there will be. I work about 20 minutes away. And can't leave until 3:45. At 3:45, I book it out of there and speed to Eldon. I arrived at the bank's door at 4:01. And the doors were already locked. Cue cry #2 of the day. This one a bit more severe than the previous.

I tutor tomorrow so I can't even ask to leave just a few minutes early to get there.

Rent was due today. But luckily, my landlords don't seem to be home.

I've applied online for another small personal loan from the other bank he recommended. The site said I'd know within the next business day.

But in filling out the loan application, I realized just how much money gets taken away from me! Teacher salaries are public knowledge and I'm not secretive enough to care about people knowing mine. My contracted yearly pay this year is $35,500. After taxes, retirement, and MNEA dues, my net yearly pay is approximately $24,545. Almost $11,000 each year that I never even see. Yes, a large part of that is going to my retirement which I am grateful but still... that's a large bite to swallow. No wonder my paychecks always seem smaller than they should be.

I want to pay off my debt. I want to pay off my school loans and my car. I want to be able to invest into a separate retirement fund other than the Public School Retirement System. I need to continue to work hard and I need to learn to do without. And maybe I'll be able to make a dent in this debt. Tutoring money, Walgreens money, tax refund, summer school (or summer Walgreens) will go towards paying off the debt, getting caught up on bills. Regular monthly salary will continue to pay current monthly bills and eventually a retirement fund. If I work hard now and get it paid off, and live the dedicated and disciplined lifestyle now... I will be able to create a rainy day fund or a retirement account. It's going to be a long road and I don't feel the end is visible just yet but I at least have the beginnings of a map? I think.