How do you tell somebody they are making a monumental mistake?
So the little sister is preggo. Which on one hand is kind of exciting. Love babies I can cuddle and play with but then send home... And on the other hand it's not so exciting in that the girl is not in the best of positions in life right now on her own, let alone to support a and take care of a little one. But no judging there. Look at where my own mom was when I was born. And she made it. And we both turned out okay.
What's the mistake? The boy that knocked her up. He's a wannabe thug who has no respect for her at all. Already told her to abort the baby. Has a kid or two with a different girl that he has nothing to do with. I've never liked the guy and I've only met him a few times. But the other night on FB was the final straw... She'd made a status comment about how all guys were the same and they'd all let you down eventually... Moody. Can you blame her? She's practically a teenager (20) and is pregnant! Of course she's freaking moody. But he went off on a comment on her status calling her a effin' kid (only he wasn't as polite about it) and just was all around a punk ass bitch I wanted to drop kick in the face. But whatever. I maintained self control and did't tell the little jackass what I thought of him but instead sent her a message to let her know she didn't need to put up with that kind of stuff from any guy. Blah blah blah. The good big sister things to say. Told her I understood she loved him but also let her know I didn't have a very high opinion of him and his ONLY redeeming quality was that she liked him. I may not have grown up with her but my big sister protectiveness was kicked into high gear.
Her next few status messages were about how people should mind their own business. She was deleting facebook because it was only drama. Etc... Whatever. If she can't take a little friendly words, forget it, I tried. And I know they weren't directed just to me because others had not been so quiet about their protests against the guy.
Finally, she messaged me back today. And this is where things get worrisome. In her message, she told me they are better, no more fighting (which I've heard before), and that she's not going to put those things on facebook anymore because it's not anybody's business (no kidding, and okay... good choice) but that THAT is why he gets that way. Because she puts stuff on facebook and then went on to say that he gets that way because of her attitude. So she's taking the blame for him calling her names and generally treating her like crap. And her solution? She's going to have a different attitude. (Sarcasm: Yeah, because this is really ALL HER fault here).
Eff. Other than sitting her down to watch an afternoon special lifetime movie about abusive relationships, how do you make a person see they need to get out and deserve better?
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Honestly? You can't. The only way she is going to see that she deserves better is to figure it out for herself. As good as your intentions are, and as much as you want to help, for the person in that situation, it's mostly just frustrating to hear everyone tell you just how much of a bad situation you're in. Chances are she already knows, but either doesn't have the courage, or the desire, to want to get out of that situation. Especially now with a baby on the way. There are going to be the thoughts of "But I'm giving up too soon" and "But I love him, all of him, including his faults." It's rough. The best thing you can do is be there for her if and when everything falls apart. Until then, as hard as it will be for you, there's not much you can do. I hope she realizes it soon, though, and doesn't put her or the baby in jeopardy.
ReplyDeleteI knew she wouldn't want to hear it and mainly I only told her just so she knew I was around if she needed, even if I'm not physically there. And I knew it was a risk telling her and possibly having her shut down on me because she does truly think she loves him...
ReplyDeleteIt's just so incredibly hard being on the outside, looking in, and seeing the things she doesn't. And I want her to know that I'm not judging her (or anybody in that situation).
Luckily, she doesn't live with him but lives with her mom so if she realizes it and needs out, it's not as difficult than if they lived together. I hope.